JESUS. ENDURANCE. STRENGTH. POWER.

So, not only am I writing in my blog again, I have also decided to start running again. Yesterday, I got up and went for a run before church. I only ran two miles and it was tough. I'm gonna let you in on a secret of mine. Something, I've never told anyone. Are you ready? I have a mantra that I say when I'm running and I don't think I can manage another step. It sounds silly, I know. 

While running yesterday, the first mile was ok. Then I turned around to come back and discovered a steady incline for the entire way back home and my heart sank. I was streaming Pandora through my iPhone. I had it on a country station at first but had to change it in hopes of finding something more upbeat. I decided for a Christian station. Sometimes, I get really good upbeat music that gets my legs moving and then there are times like yesterday. I was running while "How Great Thou Art" was playing! Come on, Pandora!! While I love the song and it flooded my mind with memories of my childhood church, this was not exactly a running song! But I suppose that's what Pandora's box is, right? It's either something really good or something really bad...or is that just on Big Brother? I'm sure you're wondering why I didn't change the station. Well, I'll tell you why. I couldn't. I just couldn't! It was too much extra exertion to unlock my iPhone, find the Pandora app and pick another one. Come on! I couldn't breathe, let alone peruse around through my apps! I passed a few runners coming the opposite direction. I mustered all my energy to pick up my pace, stand a little taller and try to control my breathing so they wouldn't pick up on the fact that I was about to kill over! Then I told myself it was time. Then I told Jesus it was time. You know the time...it was mantra time! With each breath out, I say (in my head) Jesus. Endurance. Strength. Power. I repeat this over and over until I pass the finish line or my run is over. HOWEVER, yesterday even saying my mantra was too exhausting! So I had to shorten it. I could only get out Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! 

Something else I do while running is a little hand raise. If I'm listening to my Christian music I may put a hand up for a beat or two. Yesterday, I attempted and then put that hand right back down. I told Jesus, "Shoo, not today. But here, here..." I put my pointer finger up as I ran! "You see it, God...this finger's for you!!!" I finished my run and I felt great when it was over. I'm hoping that tonight's run will be better than yesterday and hopefully when I open Pandora's box it will be to find an upbeat Toby Mac or Mandisa song! ;)

Boys

A facebook friend of mine posted a picture of her 2 precious little girls a week or so ago. They were hugging and smiling and just adorable. The caption said something to the effect of they had just said their bedtime prayers and my friend had prayed that they would always love each other and be good sisters to each other. After the prayer, the little girls hugged and one of them exclaimed, "Jesus heard our prayers!!! Take a picture!" How completely sweet!!!

That night I decided to try it with our boys. "Boys" is the opportune word in the previous sentence. I had finished reading them their books and then got them all nestled in bed. As we said our prayers we prayed for the people in the path of Hurricane Isaac and thanked God that we were safe. I ended by praying that they would always love each other and be good brothers to each other. When we pray, I usually pray and then Hunter goes and then Jack. 

*Jack has a little bit of a talking problem. Not only does he talk a lot, and I mean A LOT, he also gets ahead of himself. He doesn't stutter, it's more of a repeat. He'll repeat the same 1-3 words before he can get the full sentence out.*

After we had said "AMEN" I looked up waiting to see them hug. Instead, Hunter looks at me and says, "When Jack was praying he sounded like a scratched up DVD!" Well, there you have it...boys!!!

I don't have pink in my life. I don't have glitter and glam. No little divas in this house. No one to watch me put on make up and ask to have some. Theres no finger nail painting going on here. I live in a house  where everything can be turned into a weapon. Before I know it, I have crossed enemy lines. Star Wars and Thomas are our main topics of conversation, at the dinner table, in the car, at bedtime, while watching tv. Karate moves are shown off. I find paper airplanes and ninja stars made from notebook paper everywhere. 

No, I don't have princesses or sparkles but I do have two very sweet and loving boys. They are boys that know how to share and give. My oldest made me a cross out of sticks at recess. My youngest offered me his heart when mine was broken. I have polite, loving little boys. Yes, they can be rowdy and loud. But I wouldn't trade them for all the taffeta in the world!!

Here Kitty Kitty

This was an email I sent to a couple girlfriends a few days ago. They told me I should blog. I did not tell them I actually had a blog, one that I don't ever write in!

So...y'all know I can't see, right? Especially in the dark. Last night we were in the back yard and I saw something on the ground so I took a step toward it and bent over a little. It was really fast and I thought it was a lizard. Then from it's movement I ruled that out. My next thought was SKINK!!! Then I realized it was most definitely a snake!! LOL! It was a fast little booger. I said calmly, "Snake...SNAKE!" But with the dang wind Luke didn't hear me til I was running away screaming SNAAAAKE! Glad the little guy got away tho cause Luke was gonna chop off it's head with a shovel!

Anywho...the whole scenario reminds me of the commercial where the woman lets a raccoon in her house thinking it's her cat. Luke ALWAYS gives me the look when we see it cause he says that's me!

So, here is is...my entry for 2012. I'm only 9 months into the year! ;)

Impressions

I really thought life was gonna be good. I was so excited and happy to be in Florida, to be reconciled with my husband, to be a family again. Then I was blindsided. I had been lied to. The more neighbors I met, the more stories I heard. The more the truth was apparent. I can't make us work. Both parties have to actively want to be married. So now, a year later, I find myself separated once again. This has been a vicious cycle, one that is unhealthy not only for our marriage, but for our children. This time he left me. The married life wasn't for him and he just didn't love me anymore. Then came the other girls. His first mistress, the bottle, has remained faithfully by his side. The heartbreak is almost unbearable. The devastation. This is not me. I am a Christian woman who doesn't believe in divorce. I believe in fighting for your marriage. But how long can I fight this battle alone? How can I love someone so unconditionally and not have that love returned? Did our vows mean nothing? I gave him my heart. I gave him everything, all of me. And in return what have I been given? Lonely nights of crying myself to sleep. The betrayals, the lies, the ugly words, the pain. If it is God's will to restore our marriage, I will accept that with an open heart. I will trust God to heal my shattered heart and help me to forgive and forget. I pray that God with either deliver Luke from his strongholds or release me from the marriage.

I know that life is hard. It wasn't meant to be easy for anyone. "Man is born to trouble, as the sparks fly upward." Job 5:7. This is God breathed, this is a truth. But, equally true is that God has promised to deliver us from our troubles. I cried for a month and a half straight. Every day. For hours at a time. I thought the pain would never end. I came across this forgotten treasure today,"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in you book." Psalm 56:8 I am almost embarrassed now to think of how many tears I shed as I lay in a heap sobbing. I am so thankful for my God and His love for me. I know that through Him I can do all things. I am thankful for the promise that God has made in Isaiah 49:16, "See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands." God is holding me so tightly that I leave a visible impression in His hands. Can you imagine? The King of Kings holding me? That is so encouraging and in that verse I find comfort.

***Today is Sept. 1, 2012 and I feel like I have to let anyone who reads this entry know that we are back together and better than ever. Luke has been sober for 114 days. He attends church with us and we are really working on the pain. I can't begin to explain how amazing our God is. His hand was all over this situation. Maybe one day I will take the time to tell the story of our incredible journey and the strongholds that God helped us to overcome. I truly believe that ALL things are possible with God. 

Lessons in Faith from a Seven Year Old

Luke and I decided to live on base when we moved to Florida, as we own a house in Missouri. The last time we lived on base was in 2006 in New Mexico. Hunter was only 2 at the time so he doesn't remember all the "perks" of living on base. He doesn't remember the announcements made base wide by the Command Post. He doesn't remember fighter jets flying over or hearing the "war" going on. He doesn't remember Luke being gone all the time and it just being the 2 of us most days and most nights. And he definitely doesn't remember hearing Revile played at 0600, Retreat at 1700, Taps at 2200 or Call to Arms at noon on Fridays.

We got here on Sunday. Monday we either weren't at the house when any of them played or we just didn't hear them. But Tuesday we were in the living room and Retreat started at 5:00 sharp. Hunter was laying on the floor watching TV and sat straight up. His eyes were wide and excited. He looked at me and said, "I didn't know today was the day God was coming back! Because I know what that noise was. That was praising God! It was the horn blowing, saying God is coming!"

I didn't know what to say. I didn't even realize he knew details about the second coming. I found it sweet, funny and completely appropriate if it were the last day! I explained to him what it was and that it didn't mean his spiritual Father was coming, but instead the music meant his earthly father would be coming because the music marks the end of the work day. Wow! I've often thought of the end of times and the trumpet being blown. I have to admit I feel a sense of panic and fear most times. I picture myself trying to gather my babies, my husband, my parents and direct them the right way. I stress that we won't be together when the time comes (if it comes when we're still alive). My focus is on my loved ones instead of on God.

Hunter's response to Jesus' second coming was completely appropriate. He was excited, he stopped what he was doing and he was ready to go! Oh, to have child-like faith. We can learn so much from children. When the disciples asked Jesus who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven he responded that the children were.

"I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." -Matthew 18:3

"Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." - Matthew 18:4

"Anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." -Luke 18:17

Right before we moved I started a book by Priscilla Shirer titled, "He Speaks to Me." One of the chapters was about having childlike faith. Tuesday God gave me a tangible lesson through my 7 year old.

Reflecting Back and Moving Forward

This past year has been very long and difficult for our family. As I sit here now I look back at all the trials and struggles and have to take a minute to thank God for seeing us through to the other side. I appreciate my struggles because I know they happen for a reason. I try to think of my troubles as opportunities to learn and help others who may go through the same struggles.

"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us." 2 Corinthians 1:4

It is a surreal feeling to sit here and look around at my family and my home. My heart is bursting with joy. It's a relief. We made it, we finally made it, and here I sit looking back across this canyon of pain and separation that seemed much too wide and much too deep to cross. God had a plan and a purpose. He is love and His love carried us through.

That being said, the McGlone family is starting a new chapter. The boys and I have just moved to Florida where Luke was waiting for us. He worked hard to get everything unpacked and all the furniture set up. We've been here for 1 week 3 days and have been busting our tails to get the house organized and decorated. Of course with any move you have to buy new things to fit the new house. We still need to get some window treatments and rugs, but other than that it feels like home. I can't wait to see what adventures God has in store for us in Florida!

My Oh My, How Time Flies!

Well, since my last post life has been busy! Hunter graduated on May 20th. He was so cute in his cap! Of course Luke and I juggled Jack, the camera and the video camera back and forth throughout the entire program. Jack was cute because he would clap when everyone else clapped. He's so proud of himself when he does it too. He has a huge crooked grin with 6 big teeth.

We went to Elizabethtown for Memorial Day weekend for a surprise birthday party for Luke's dad. Then Hunter started summer school on May 28th (Thursday). Now, I remember when I went to school, summer school was to make up a bad grade or because you were in danger of failing. It wasn't a good thing. I don't know if it's just Missouri or if it's changed everywhere, but now summer school is a good thing. It is an optional program. I wanted Hunter to go so he could get familiar with his school and teachers. I can't believe how big he is! I was so sad and he was so excited! The first day parents were supposed to walk their child in and sign them in and then walk to the class room with them. I just couldn't believe how well adjusted he is. He is so outgoing and doesn't know a stranger. I walked him in again on Friday just in case he didn't remember where his classroom was. Then I figured I'd walk him in on Monday just in case he had forgotten over the weekend and he looked at me and said, "Mommy, you can walk me in tomorrow." He was so excited that he was a real big boy and was allowed to walk in by himself. He got out of the car and turned back to me with a big cheesy smile and a full arm wave yelling bye bye mommy! I love you! He blew me a couple kisses, yelled bye bye again and turned and ran to the school. His crazy blonde curls bounced with each step he took and his back pack looked bigger than he was. I couldn't help but cry agian! I don't want him to grow up!

And now Jack is going to be 1 next month! I can't believe it. He thinks he's so big. He tries so hard to do everything that Hunter does. He pulls himself up on everything. He waves and claps. He crawls so fast EVERYWHERE!! And he feels like he has to feed himself which is a very messy process! The funniest thing to me is bath time. Every night I put both boys in the bath together. I have a very large red cup from college that has now become their bath cup. Hunter likes to fill the cup with water and take a big drink and then spit it out (I know...not very sanitary...but hey, they're boys!) Jack always watches him and big brother won't let him have the cup. Jack with mouth open wide, reaches his little chubby hand up with fingers spread apart almost to the cup and Hunter will turn so it's just out of his reach. Jack eventually gives up and finds his rubber duckie to chew on. I try to put Jack in first (it really depends on how fast Hunter gets undressed). Jack will see the cup sitting on the side of the tub and he makes a slippery crawl as fast as his body can manage to the corner of the tub. His little body stretches and his outstretched hand just barely touches the cup. He knocks it off and it plops into the water. Very proudly he will submerge the cup so it fills with water and I'll be dipped if he doesn't bring it to his mouth, take a drink and then he will open his mouth and let all the water fall back out. But what makes it so darn cute is that he will look over at Hunter and smile and then do it again. It's not a look of haha, I have the cup and you don't. It's a look of did you see me brother, did you see me? They are so precious and I am so thankful for both of them. They bless Luke and I in their own unique ways every day!